Stack of Alphabet blocks with text overlay: The ABC's of Remaining Optimistic When You Just Aren't Feeling It

The ABC’s of Remaining Optimistic When You Just Aren’t Feeling It

The last couple of weeks have been tough — a monster headache last week, and this week, I had the worst fibro flare I’ve had in a long time. I’ve spent all week just trying to get through each day. On days like these, it’s really hard to feel very optimistic, but one of the building blocks of my HOPE plan is optimism, so I need to find a way to be optimistic even if I don’t feel it.

Why would optimism be important to living well with chronic pain, or any chronic illness for that matter? The definition of optimism on is this: “a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.” I’m not talking about unicorns and glitter here — I’m talking about feeling that I can do something to improve the way I live my life. This quote by Ramez Naam explains it better than I can:

“There are really two kinds of optimism. There’s the complacent, Pollyanna optimism that says, ‘Don’t worry – everything will be just fine,’ and that allows one to just lay back and do nothing about the problems around you. Then there’s what we call dynamic optimism. That’s an optimism based on action.”

It’s not always easy to feel optimistic, but I can choose to be optimistic, no matter how I feel. So how do we remain optimistic even if we don’t feel it? For me, it’s been a matter of remembering my ABC’s:

AAccept that you may not be able to change your circumstances.

This may sound counterintuitive to staying optimistic, but realistically, sometimes we can’t change our circumstances. What we can change is how we think about or deal with those circumstances.

I’ll give you an example of why acceptance can be so important. When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was convinced that I was going to beat it, that I would be that one person who was cured. It was my will against the fibro. As you know, it just doesn’t work that way. By putting such unrealistic expectations on myself, I set myself up for failure and discouragement. Once I was able to relax and accept that fibromyalgia is part of my “new normal”, I was much better prepared to deal with the things that come along with it, such as an unexpected flare.

BBelieve in who you are. 

You are a unique person, created for a purpose only you can fulfill. It’s easy to forget that when you’re in the middle of a flare, or things just aren’t working out the way you thought they would, but the truth is, sometimes those very things are moving us toward our purpose in life. How many of us have found our purpose because of what we’ve gone through?

As a Christian, I firmly believe that God never wastes any experience we go through and that He’ll use my fibromyalgia in some way. That helps me remain optimistic even on those days that I’m sitting in a puddle of tears because of pain and frustration with my body. It makes me want to work that much harder to do whatever I can to learn what it takes to live well in spite of my circumstances and help others do the same.

CChoose to be proactive in your care plan.

Sometimes just having something to do and something to give us focus is enough to help us be (and feel) more optimistic about the future. This is the dynamic optimism Naam was talking about in the quote above. We may not have control over our illnesses, but doing the things we do have control over can be a huge boost. Things such as working with your doctor to map out your treatment plan, eating well, exercising…. All these things can help us feel a little more in control and give us focus, which in turn helps us be more optimistic.

Optimism has been an incredibly important component of my self-care plan. I realized early on in this process that I have a choice; I can be bitter about my circumstances, or I can let it make me a better person. I choose better. I choose to use this experience to learn, grow, and hopefully, help others along the way.

How do you remain optimistic even when you’re not necessarily feeling it? Please share!




  1. What a fabulous post Terri. I love the concept of dynamic optimism. I find talking to others and having small outings to look forward to help me enormously. I had a joint flare up this week but I know it was red meat that brought it on. I was staying on an island and it was served to me for dinner. Thankfully it only lasted a few days. I hope you feel better soon. 🌼

    1. Thank you so much Brigid! I’ve found talking therapeutic as well, and I love the idea of having the small outings to look forward to. Thanks for sharing those ideas! I’m sorry you were dealing with a flare-up this week. I’m glad to hear you’re starting to feel better. Isn’t it amazing how much what we eat can impact how we feel? Thanks for your well-wishes. I’m definitely starting to feel better. Have a wonderful weekend!

  2. Love this Terri. I’ve shared it on my support forum as it will really help so many who are struggling with life changing news at the moment.
    Thank you xx

    1. Thank you so much Sam! My prayer since starting this blog was that I could help others and I appreciate you giving me the chance to speak some hope into the lives of those in your support forum. Blessings to you – have a wonderful weekend!

    1. Thank you so much Kim! I appreciate your kind words so much. I appreciate the sharing as well. As I told Sam earlier, my prayer in starting this blog was that I would be able to help others by sharing my story. Blessings to you – have a wonderful weekend!

  3. Really wonderful post with great perspective. When flares hit, it is easy to lose sight of the big picture sometimes in the day to day and remember how much progress we have made. Your ABCs will be a great way to take a step back from the situation and rekindling my optimism.

  4. Excellent post, Terri! It’s a choice (and sometimes takes all of our effort) to stay positive to benefit our mental and physical wellbeing. May you feel even better this weekend xx

    1. Thank you so much Christy! I’ve found that, as you said, although sometimes staying positive takes all of our effort, the benefit to our wellbeing is enormous. Thanks for the well-wishes also – I’m feeling much better!

    1. Thank you for your kind words Colline. I sure don’t feel brave most of the time. Being optimistic helps me keep moving forward. Thanks also for following – I look forward to getting to know you!

  5. Your A,B,C’s create a strong foundation for maximizing life’s opportunities. The concept takes reality and shows how one can alter its path. This is a very important concept to improving the quality of life. Well done!

  6. Terri this really is an awesome post & I would love to share it via social media. Thanks so much for sharing. It is so inspiring, thus gives hopes in every walk of life

  7. Thanks for the post – I needed the kick to get back to being optimistic today! Some days with fibro, like today, it’s tough to see the light, but your post has definitely helped get me back in the right direction.

    1. Thanks so much for visiting, and for your comment! I know exactly what you mean about it being tough to see the light. Fortunately, even when we can’t see it, it’s still there. I’m glad you found this helpful. Thanks again for stopping by!

    1. Thank you so much Marie! It’s been a bit of a rough week for me, so I’ve had to re-visit these ABC’s myself….

      1. Terri I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a difficult week. I hope you can identify the trigger and isn’t it great having these little gems to guide your self care! I had to call time out myself one day last week and guess what… It helped! Thinking of you. Marie xx

      2. Thank you so much Marie! I’m starting to feel better, thanks. I had a skin cancer removed last Thursday, which is probably what precipitated the flare, and then several pieces of sad news just left me a little down for a few days. These things always pass, though – like you said, sometimes you just have to call a time out. Sending hugs your way!

      3. I’m glad you feel bettee, my mum has had one removed and several frozen off. Try to take it as easy as possible for a few days to heal and restore your energy. Sad news does wear us down, so be kinder to yourself. You’ll be in my thoughts! Xx

  8. These words are me, but right now, When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was convinced that I was going to beat it, that I would be that one person who was cured. It was my will against the fibro. As you know, it just doesn’t work that way. By putting such unrealistic expectations on myself, I set myself up for failure and discouragement.” Im at the failure discouragement stage. I’ve been working on acceptance. But, man, finding out what the new normal is is really difficult, so accepting what it is, isn’t coming.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing Katie. I’m so sorry you’re at the discouragement stage of living with fibromyalgia. Acceptance really can be difficult, and for me (and I’ve had others say they agree) it hasn’t been a ‘one and done’ kind of deal. I make progress with accepting it and then I find myself fighting again. It’s a process, but you’ll get there. Just know that you’re not alone, that even though it’s difficult living with this, you will have many moments of joy as well, and you might even find a greater feeling of purpose in life as you use your blog to help others. You’ve got this sweet friend!

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