I spent the morning shopping today. I don’t like shopping at any other time of year, but at Christmas time, I like to actually go in the stores and find gifts that I think my loved ones will be extremely happy with. I usually have a list of general ideas, but then wait for the perfect thing to just jump out and say, “I’m perfect for so-and-so.”
This time of year we spend a lot of time and effort looking for that perfect gift for others, but sometimes we need to give ourselves some gifts too, especially if we have fibromyalgia or any other chronic illness. No, I’m not talking about the gifts we can find online or in stores. I’m talking about the kind of gifts we should be giving ourselves year-round, but get so overwhelmed by our circumstances that we sometimes forget. Gifts like:
Self-Compassion. We may have an unlimited amount of compassion for others but then rail against our bodies when they don’t cooperate with us. We need to learn to have the same compassion for ourselves that we do for others.
Permission to make self-care a priority. Often we put ourselves last on the list of people to take care of. If you have trouble feeling justified in putting your self-care first, just remember the lesson we learn from the airlines: During the preflight briefing we’re told that if the cabin depressurizes and the oxygen masks drop down, we’re to don our masks first and then put on anyone else’s. You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.
A release from feelings of guilt. As I talked about in Let It Go, you can’t take responsibility for something you can’t control. I think we probably all have periods of feeling guilty for things we can’t do, but we have to release ourselves from that guilt in order to move forward.
Being kind to yourself. I’ve mentioned before that I’m very hard on myself. I wouldn’t be nearly as hard on anyone else. Sometimes we get so frustrated with our limitations that we forget that we are people who deserve the same kindness and respect that we give to others. We have to learn to extend the same grace to ourselves that we would to anyone else.
The gift of optimism. We may not always feel optimistic, particularly when we’re in the middle of a flare, but we can choose to be optimistic about our ability to do things that help us live well in spite of our circumstances. We can choose something called dynamic optimism, which I talked about in The ABCs of Remaining Optimistic to help us continue to move forward.
This time of year can be an extremely happy time, but it can also come with its own unique set of baggage, particularly if you’re not able to do all the things you’d like to be able to. Please take care and give yourself the gifts you need.
What gifts will you give yourself this year?
Blessings,
~Terri
What an excellent reminder. Self compassion is so important, especially in the season of giving to others!
Thank you so much! It’s so easy to forget to take the time to care for ourselves when we’re so busy with everything else this time of year, but as you said, it’s so important.
Yes. I need to work on this. Even I also feel the guilt to take time for myself. Until unknowingly I burnt out.
Unfortunately, I think a lot of us need to learn self-compassion. We seem to be harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Yeah. You are most welcome !
Thank you so much for this incredible post! I think we all need a reminder at times to take care of ourselves! I know I spend more time trying to take care of others than myself but that is just in my nature! Everything you said was so true and I am so thankful for the reminder!!!
Thank you so much Alyssa! I think a lot of us are just wired to take care of others, which is great unless we forget to take care of ourselves also…. Hope your holiday season is a joyous one!
Thank you Terri, I hope yours is joyous as well!
Thank you!
Such a wonderful post – you’re right, we should be trying to gift ourselves these throughout the year, but perhaps Christmas is as good a time as any to come up with our list and make a start. I think that less guilt (over things I can’t do, over things I feel I ‘should’ be doing with my life etc), and perhaps more rest and kindness (again, getting frustrated with the situation means I’ll often overdo things, then start the cycle again of feeling guilty and forgetting to look after my body the way I should). I think you’re spot on with how we can be very hard on ourselves in a way that we would never even dream of being with anyone else; I really do hope that being kinder to yourself is the first gift you can give yourself because you deserve a lot more self-compassion, just like I know you would generously give anyone else 🙂
Caz x
Oh Caz, you sound so much like me…. Thank you so much for sharing and for your kind comments. I hope we can both give ourselves the gifts of less guilt and more kindness this year. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
A great post Terri, perhaps one that should be printed out and attached to the wall as a reminder to everyone the importance of being kind to oneself 🌹
Thank you so much Elaine! I know it’s a constant struggle for me. The springboard for the post was a shopping trip last week when I got extremely frustrated with my body because I had to go home after just a little while. I hope we can all remember to be kinder to ourselves!
Have a lovely relaxing Christmas Terri x
Thank you so much Elaine! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well!
Brilliant post Terri and such an important one. 🙂 Hope you have a lovely Christmas. 🙂 xxx
Thank you so much Heather! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often.
Thank you so much Danny! Hope you’re having a great weekend!
🙂
Reblogged this on Fearless and commented:
What will you give to yourself this year?
Thank you so much for the reblog Jo Ann! I really appreciate it!
You bet! I really liked it!
Beautiful post Terri. I’ve shared it on my support forum as it will resonate with so many members. Thank you.
Wishing you a Christmas full of peace & joy & time to gift yourself a little too!
Sam xx
Thank you so much Sam! I appreciate you sharing this and pray it will help your forum members. Wishing you many blessings during Christmas and throughout the year to come!
Reblogged this on Moral Value Story.
Thank you so much for the reblog! I really appreciate it!
You are most welcome.
The air masks were a perfect description.
Thanks so much Jo, and thanks for stopping by!
great reminders
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it. Blessings to you!
This is a very timely post for me. I have been thinking about mothers and what we do for others and about appreciation – appreciating others and also ourselves. I also love your ideas on dynamic optimism.
Thankyou, Terri, for sharing this at Fibro Friday and all your support and kindness to those in the Fibromyalgia community. Much appreciated. x
Thank you so much Lee! It’s so important to appreciate others, but also to appreciate ourselves. I think we forget that last part far too often. Thanks for providing the platform for all of us who blog about fibromyalgia to share our posts. I appreciate all you do for us! Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way!
I really love this post! I love the concept of your blog! You have gained a follower!
Thank you so much Elizabeth! I’m so happy you’ve decided to join us here in this little corner of the blogosphere. Thank you for following – I look forward to getting to know you!